We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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