it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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