A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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