I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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