Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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