I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
