You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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