Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize