If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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