I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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