Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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