Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
