Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
