she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm like, not good at living.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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