theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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