Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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