Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize