Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
