6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
