i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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