Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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