I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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