I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
