you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
