I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
