I cannot find my penis.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
false alarm, still single
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
