that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Redeem this text for a blowjob
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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