this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
