he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
