what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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