I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
