Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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