i just made my gag reflex go away.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
