I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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