I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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