Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
