I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, beer. Big fan.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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