Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
