Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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