He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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