your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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