I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Text me some of your sweat
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
