did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
