He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize