Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
