In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
