I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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