Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
