we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
