i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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