umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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