im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
