Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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