i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
