I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
