tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
