i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
