you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
