Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
