My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
