Your dad touched me again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
