I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
