I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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