Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
