Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
