He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
