i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
